18 Awesome Gifts for Meteorologists
A meteorologist. What a job. You go to school for years. You learn about pressure systems and jet streams and all this complicated science. And then you go on TV and tell people it's going to be sunny, and then it rains, and everyone hates you. Like it's your fault. Like you control the sky. I yelled at a meteorologist once. In my car. Alone. Like an idiot. He was on the radio. He couldn't hear me. I still felt better. That's what you do to these poor people. So buy them something nice. They are wrong for a living and they know it, which is more honest than most of us.
Personal Weather Station
For the backyard. He has supercomputers. Models that cost millions. But what he really wants is a little beepy thing in his yard that says it's windy right now, right here. So he can go outside in his slippers and feel like a real meteorologist for five minutes before going back to tell a whole city they need an umbrella.
Classic Barometer
That looks smarter than an app. An app is just a phone. Everyone has a phone. This thing is brass and glass and looks like it belongs to a sea captain who died honorably at sea. You tap it. People see it on your wall and go, oh, that guy knows weather. Even if yesterday you said no rain and then it rained sideways.
Windproof Umbrella
Yeah, the irony gift. You get the weather guy an umbrella. Funny. He will laugh. Then he will use it because even meteorologists get wet. Especially meteorologists. They stand outside in the worst weather saying yep, it's bad out here, like we couldn't tell. This one doesn't flip inside out and make you look like a broken bat.
Waterproof Raincoat
That actually keeps you dry. You stand outside. In a hurricane. With a microphone. Saying it's windy. We know it's windy. We can see the tree flying past. But you stand there anyway. This coat keeps you actually dry. So you don't have to go home looking like a drowned rat who made bad career choices.
Insulated Thermos
For cold mornings watching radar. 4 AM. Dark. You're watching a green blob move across a map trying to decide if it will ruin 300 weddings. Coffee gets cold fast when you're stressed. This keeps it hot for hours. So you can sip and stare at the blob and slowly lose your mind, but at least your coffee is still hot. Small wins.
Vintage World Map
With weather patterns. Old maps with swirly winds drawn on them. They look like art. You put this on your wall and people think you're deep and interesting, not just the person everyone blames for their ruined barbecue. It reminds you the atmosphere is huge and you are small and trying your best. Which is true.
Cloud Identification Poster
For nerding out. You love clouds. You see a cloud and you know its name, like it's your kid. Cirrus. Cumulus. Cumulonimbus, which sounds like a Harry Potter spell that makes it rain frogs. This has them all. You hang it up and stare at it and feel smart, even when the internet calls you an idiot because it drizzled.
Funny Coffee Mug
About being wrong for a living. Says 100% Chance of Coffee. Or I Forecast You Are Wrong. It's funny because it's true and painful. You drink from it every morning before you go tell millions of people a guess. A very educated guess. And then one guy says my knee said rain three days ago and my knee was right. Your mug is better than his knee.
Desk Tornado Model
That spins when you're bored. It's a little tornado in a bottle. You spin it. It spins. Mesmerizing. You watch it while on hold with the National Weather Service. It's a tornado that can't destroy your house or your reputation. It's the only tornado you can control. Which is more than you can say for real ones, which do whatever they want, just like my kids.
All-Weather Field Notebook
That doesn't melt in rain. Normal paper dies in rain. Turns to mush. Like my hopes when I try to plan a picnic. This notebook doesn't. You can write in a hurricane. You can drop it in a puddle. It survives. Like you. You survived another winter where everyone said you were wrong about the snow. You were right, they just live in a weird microclimate.
Warm Winter Socks
For standing outside in stupid weather. Your feet are always cold. Because you're in a parking lot at 6 AM showing us frost on a windshield like we never saw frost before. But we like it. These are thick. Like little sleeping bags for your feet. So your toes don't fall off before you get to say back to you in the studio.
Binoculars
For staring at clouds like a weirdo. You stare at the sky a lot. People think you're weird. You're not weird, you're working. These let you stare better. Closer. You can see the anvil top forming from miles away and get excited in a way normal people get excited about pizza. Let them stare at phones. You have clouds. Clouds are better.
Science Magazine Subscription
For stuff you already know but without comments. You know this stuff already. But it's nice to read someone else explain it without someone saying WRONG in the comments. It's quiet. Just articles about the atmosphere being complicated and beautiful and not caring about our weekend plans. Kind of comforting, in a depressing way.
Reusable Hand Warmers
Because your hands are always frozen. You took your gloves off to point at a map and now you can't feel your fingers. These heat up. You click them. Put them in pockets. It's like holding a tiny summer you can carry while winter is being a jerk all around you. Very useful. Very sad. Very you.
Inspirational Wall Art
About storms and life. Says something like Every Storm Runs Out of Rain. True. And cheesy. But when you've spent 10 hours tracking a low-pressure system that won't leave, cheesy feels good. You hang it in your office and look at it when the model flips at midnight and ruins your forecast. The storm will end. Eventually. Maybe.
Daily Planner
For hurricane season chaos. Hurricane season. Nothing is planned. Everything is planned and then unplanned and then planned again at 2 AM while you eat cold pizza. This has little boxes. Little times. You write things down and pretend you control time. You don't. The hurricane controls time. But writing it down makes you feel less like you'll die from emails.
Bookstore Gift Card
For when you want to read about something other than weather. Sometimes you don't want to read about isobars. You want to read about a detective or a pirate who doesn't care if it will rain. This lets you do that. Buy a novel. You spend all day thinking about the sky. It's okay to think about something stupid for a while. I recommend a book about a dog.
Bright Desk Lamp
For late nights staring at models. Midnight. Everyone is asleep. You are awake, looking at spaghetti models. Not real spaghetti. Lines on a screen that look like someone dropped noodles. This lamp is bright. Clear. So you can see the noodles and decide which noodle will ruin Florida this week. It's a lot of pressure. At least you can see.
